| I have lived in the wonderful state of New | | | | with. |
| Jersey for twenty two glorious years. This | | | | |
| meant spending summers at the shore, drinking | | | | I used to think that way until this past |
| cawfee, and considering Italian food its own | | | | weekend. I was out with a few friends |
| food group. This armpit of a state is the | | | | tearing through the woods on our quads, |
| home of bad hair cuts and even worse accents. | | | | having a blast. It had rained the day |
| I can usually stomach the stereotypical | | | | before, which made the ground perfect for |
| flaws of the state, but I can't stand the | | | | doing doughnuts and drifting turns. I |
| attitude. It's like every kid growing up | | | | started to cruise to a new part of the woods, |
| here had a poster of Tony Soprano on his wall | | | | but it was actually a marsh. Unfortunately, |
| instead of Superman or Batman. While I was | | | | I was going pretty fast so my speed carried |
| busy jumping from trees with a cape around my | | | | me halfway across the bog. I tried revving |
| neck, they were greasing down their scalps | | | | my engine, spinning my wheels, but not moving |
| with enough hair gel to make John Travolta | | | | an inch. My quad is meant for racing, not |
| jealous. | | | | mud so it only has two-wheel drive. My |
| | | | friends were all over in another part of the |
| Certain parts of Jersey don't seem like | | | | woods, leaving me stranded, covered in mud |
| reality. My high school parking lot looked | | | | and frustrated. |
| more like a BMW dealership than a public | | | | |
| school. You would think it was standard | | | | Just when I was about to give up and trudge |
| issue for the DMV to hand out sets of keys | | | | back through the woods to find my friends an |
| after passing a driver's test. I guess our | | | | older man on a big utility ATV passed by. |
| state needed something to replace iroqs. It | | | | "Oh great, now I have to deal with this guy |
| probably doesn't help the state's general | | | | giving me a hard time," I thought. But he |
| attitude if everyone is driving around in a | | | | pulled up, took off his helmet and asked if I |
| BMW with a gold chair hanging from their neck | | | | needed a hand. Did my ears deceive me? A |
| and a ring hugging their pinky. Anyway, | | | | Jersian asking to help? Well of course I |
| after years of hearing such comments from | | | | did. He had a winch system hooked up to the |
| wise guys like "What are you looking at?" I | | | | front of his bike. This guy and his son |
| started to think that the state was doomed. | | | | tossed me the cable, which I hooked to my |
| Maybe our country would be better if it cut | | | | frame, and he pulled me right out. When I |
| off that little state and sent it floating | | | | finally made it back to my friends, they |
| off across the Atlantic for Europe to deal | | | | didn't even know I was gone. |